The other day I was walking through my local Borders bookstore and saw something hanging on the wall that I wanted to share with you, I thought it captured the main essence of a key principle of overcoming anxiety, check it out…
(photo courtesy of my shiny new iPhone…now if I could only figure out how to make a call…)
In case you can’t read it, it says:
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
I think that we often put off our own peace, happiness, and fulfillment because we’re waiting for the “perfect” moment or set of circumstances.
Life becomes this never ending wait for “when”…
I know that when I struggled with anxiety, I was always thinking that I would be happy and could start living my life when I was “over” the anxiety. A big turning point for me was when I began to decide to live my life and be happy EVEN IF anxiety was still there. See, when you start to accept your feelings and choose happiness and LIFE anyway, it’s like splashing cold water on the flames of your anxiety or panic, and they eventually stop reigniting.
Maybe the next time you’re anxious, in the car, or in line at the grocery store, or at work…maybe a better question to ask yourself is, “What can I do to live my life the way I want to DESPITE how I’m feeling right now?”
The anxiety is going to end either way. It may feel like it will last forever, but it doesn’t. It never has, and it never will. You can make yourself feel better or worse in the time it takes to go away, but no matter what you do, IT WILL go away. So instead of looking at it as your mission to END the anxiety (how’s that worked so far?), maybe you should look at it as your mission to LIVE FULLY ANYWAY, until it goes away on it’s own.
I know it feels like that’s the exact OPPOSITE of what you should do…
Anxiety makes you feel like you should…
RUN
HIDE
AVOID
ESCAPE
DELAY
Your life.
And that’s what makes it so insidious.
Let’s look at it together. Have you ever been someplace and gotten really anxious? So anxious you left wherever you were in an attempt to escape or hide from the anxiety? Of course you have, otherwise why are you reading my blog, right?
What happened when you ran away from it? Oh…the anxiety went away, huh?
I guess I was wrong, I guess escaping IS the best thing…
But just for giggles, let’s look at one other thing.
Have you ever gotten really anxious and wanted to run and hide from your anxiety but couldn’t or didn’t? Maybe in an airplane, or on the highway, or in a meeting with your boss? You may have felt like you were just about to snap but what REALLY happened when you didn’t run from it?
Oh…the anxiety went away then too? Interesting…
So it seems that the end result was the same. The anxiety eventually goes away no matter what you do. Whether you stay or go.
That being the case, why not let the anxiety go when it goes, and in the meantime, start living and focusing on your life? Don’t…
RUN
HIDE
AVOID
ESCAPE
DELAY
You can do far more than you think you can.
I believe in you.
Yes, you.
I believe in you because I was exactly where you are now, and I felt hopeless, weak, and terrified too. That’s the anxiety in our head talking…heckling us. But it’s not true. Can I say bullshit on the Internet?
You just need to forget what you THINK your limitations are, and find out what they REALLY are.
What do you think you can’t do right now? C’mon, tell me. Whatever it is, I bet you’re wrong. I bet you WILL do it. You could do it RIGHT NOW. Nothing needs to change. You don’t have to feel better. You don’t have to wait. You only need to DECIDE to stop listening to the heckling and keep going. Push further. Keep going when you want to run and hide. Push. Lean into it. You can do it.
I believe in you.
Click the below to watch a few minutes from a scene in a movie called “Facing the Giants” that shows what I’m talking about…
Now I want you take the first step in making it real.
Post a comment below and tell me what it is you’ve been tricked into thinking you can’t do, why you’re wrong, and when you’re going to take the first step towards proving you CAN. It doesn’t matter how small the step is, this is the first one. If you won’t take this step, how will you take the others?
P.S. I’m working on something that’s really going to help you focus your LIFE instead of anxiety and fear…and when you see your life start moving in the direction you want it to, you’ll realize that the anxiety is all smoke and mirrors…it’s like being told how a magician does a trick, once you know how you’re getting fooled, you can’t fall for it anymore. More to come…
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This is how I felt just now. I had a coupl e of large nights drinking which has left me with a two day hangover.( I need to stop the binge drinking) The majority of my anxiety occurs after I have a big night. So at work today I could not concentrate and work properly. I then had that feeling of escape and also irrational thoughts going through me head. I went for a walk to the shops to get some food and than walked back to the office. I then felt I still could not work so I left the office and drove home. The drive was not comfortable either but I got home. There were many times I wanted to get out of the car but I didn’t. I must admit though I did take a different route where there was less traffic. This feeling of escape happens in many different circumstances.
There are plenty of times that I have felt extreme anxiety and Panic but could not escape, ie in a Meeting, on Business Trips, even on a chairlift at the snow whilst skiiing, and you are right the anxiety goes away. It just feels very uncomfortable during the anxiety. I am currently sitting at home with a cup of tea and am feeling quite at ease but do feel a bit guilty leaving/escaping work and saying I was sick.
This anxiety issue has affected my driving on freeways. I have done something about it and have started doing small trips to and from work. I have been doing it for that last three weeks and I have made the trips a little longer each week. I have had more successes than failures. Probably 90/10. I have kept the anxiety in check. I did not go and do it today because of the state I was in. I am also doing excercise 3 days a week which helps me relax. The fitter I am the bettet I feel. The next step is to curb the drinking.
I did buy your Panic course. I have read it. I knew about most of the stuff. I just need to put into practice.
Rich –
Could not agree more. While doing your program it hit me..I CHOOSE to live my life IN SPITE of the anxiety. Sometimes this means a very hard and scary decision. However, after you complete whatever it is that you were trying to avoid, I always feel better and I move forward with a new found confidence. I sitll have my “tools” of gradual escape if I need them, but most of the time I just try to calm down with breathing accept and move on.
Great Post!
Commit or submit. I find when if don’t make such a big deal about committing, for me this means to just plunged onto the entrance ramp to the highway, without submitting to the panic talking, forcing myself to JUST DO IT, I then have to rely on that person inside, the real me. Each time I find I can trust the “real me” more & more. You have to commit yourself in order to build that confidence, that’s where you’ll also find PEACE.
Remember when you were a kid on the edge of the diving board at the public pool, just standing there scared to death to jump? Then you finally jumped and spent the rest of the day doing it a hundred times, over & over, mostly because of the pure kick you felt in finding that new confidence you didn’t know you had. If you’re the kid that didn’t jump, maybe this summer go back to the pool and take that plunge now!
yes for three years i have tried to run away from driving. ( i drove before very well). it all started one day on my way to work when suddenly i hit the brake because i felt the car was moving or something was just saying stop. some fear, some panic seized me and every time i tried i just stop and hit my brakes and it has been 3 years since then. i made myself to believe that it was okay but sometimes my dependence has caused me many meetings from which i should have benefited, many seminars, businesses i should have attended, and of course personal problems on those who have to take me. but i AM READY TO FACE MY GIANT after reading your 5 series. today i paid for driving instruction all over again and the good news news is yes I HAVE STARTED I AM GOING AGAIN TOMORROW AND I WILL DO IT. you did say it will not be a smooth start. i tried going to the back by self today about 2 miles i did very well, on my way home i hit the brake twice suddenly but i am going again until i overcome and i will overcome. thank you. your articles are a blessing to me. INDEED SEE YOU ON THE ROAD
I think that this video was the most inspirational thing I have seen in a long time!
In my oppinion, …the hardest part of recovery, is admitting and BELEIVING that anxiety is the culprit. You need to REALLY believe that it is anxiety that is causing all of your symptoms (I have felt them all). If you don’t believe in yourself or your anxiety, you will always be reaching for 50 but never getting past 20.
Thank you for the inspirational video. I’ve always heard that when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will do something about your problems. I am sick and tired of my driving panic and am ready to face the giant. I have the program and have not dedicated my time to applying it. As soon as I complete this comment I’m back on it!